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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Restroom comedy has long been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, particularly within football. It was quite amusing to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster possesses a urinal decorated with West Brom motifs at his home. Consider the situation for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, the controversial forward visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, then he went to the teachers’ staff room,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds like he owned the place.”

The Lavatory Departure

Tuesday marks 25 years since Kevin Keegan stepped down from the England national team after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies deep within Wembley Stadium, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies recalls in his journal, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams “fired up”, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a thousand-yard stare, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where on earth could we find [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I cannot inspire the squad. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I found myself going and training the blind team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's an extremely challenging position.” The English game has progressed significantly over the past twenty-five years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. The German's squad is viewed as one of the contenders for next year's international tournament: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Real-Time Coverage

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our eyes shifted somewhat anxiously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina inspected us completely with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures officials were once put through by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“How important is a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists titled ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Complete Steve forward!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I've chosen to type and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou claims he started conflicts on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his decision to join Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|