🔗 Share this article

The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “ghosting” entered the public consciousness. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. We were so innocent. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in humiliation that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a generation who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the words Zoomers is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

---

A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your date's reaction is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral habits indicating a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe niche, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band many young men listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The rare partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {