Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme
Television's leading comedians spent the evening ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "golden visa," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.
Stephen Colbert's Witty Take
Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a mock holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."
The subject was the new initiative which allows foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for 5 million. A government portal pledges approval "faster than ever."
"A quick note for you to wealthy applicants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.
He pointed out that the card is also meant to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, with large payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.
"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to verify these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."
"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"
Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary
On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."
"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he said. "For a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."
"Perhaps it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.
Kimmel teased the brevity of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."
"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."
Seth Meyers covering Affordability Struggles
On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he said.
Recently, in a effort to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, and behaved oddly to some cereal.
"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."
"Trump is so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"
Meyers concluded by criticizing right-leaning media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.
